Friday, December 29, 2017

70 Years


 (Mom ~ 24 years old)

Mom was having a hard week, with a lot of confusion and fatigue, to the point where she had to be fed; she couldn’t feed herself.  I thought I was prepared for this, but my heart ached so, as I sat beside her, held her hand and sang Christmas carols.  Tears were not far and even to speak of it brings them nigh to the surface.  This blitzkrieg on my Mom may be from a TIA- Transient Ischemic Attack, sometimes known as a mini-stroke.  It could be the tipping point from vascular dementia to Alzheimer’s Disease, or some other unknown reason. Whatever it is, it is gut-wrenching.

It’s at times like these that I am grateful for the daily dedication of the staff in The Home-their care, their love, their concern.  For those of us who have loved ones in The Home, we also need reminders that our community has not abandoned its seniors.  In James  1:27, we are told: “This is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father, to visit orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” Do we need a better reason to visit or volunteer in The Home?

While gathering some things to decorate Mom’s room for Christmas, I was reminded that this journey we are on is not a lonely one.  The Creator, (John 1:1-3), the Sustainer, (Colossians 2:16,17) and the Saviour, (Matthew 1:21) is with us.  Coming across her old Christmas sweater, I cut it down so it would fit in a picture frame.  I told Mom: “Every time you look at this you can remember skating across ‘Lac à Innocent’ on your way to school.” She was so happy.  And the fact that she can touch it makes the memory all the more sweet. 

                                                   
                                                                (Mom ~ 94 years old)

Some days, Mom is still able to feed herself, enjoy some dancing and carry on a conversation.  How I hope they will not diminish in number!  Having her at home with family, on Christmas Day, was beyond special.  There are no guarantees about the future, except that we are all getting older.  There is a seniors’ health care tsunami coming, and in case you hadn't noticed,  none of us are getting younger.  By volunteering now, you may well be preparing yourself for the future, creating memories to bring you through the golden years of your life.  Mom could testify to this, as she visited at The Home right up until she moved there, a little over 7 months ago.  Here's hoping one of your New Year's Resolutions will include The Home.

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Mary's Journeys


To whom would a young teenage pregnant virgin go for support, counsel and a shared understanding of the miraculous?  When the angel Gabriel told Mary she would be with child, he added an important fact:  her elderly, up-to-now barren relative, Elizabeth, was six months’ pregnant.

The First Journey
So Mary takes her first journey from Nazareth all the way to the hills of Judea, (anywhere from 80-100 kilometres), where she spends her first trimester with Elizabeth.  When God has a plan, He misses nothing.  His provisions are marvelous, even today.  You know, I often wonder about their conversations.  I wonder about the marvel of Elizabeth’s statement when Mary first greets her: “Blessed among women are you, and blessed is the fruit of your womb!  And how has it happened to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me?  For behold, when the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby leaped in my womb for joy.” (Luke 1:42-45) And I wonder about Mary’s response, the one we call “The Magnificat” (Luke 1: 4655).  She quotes from Hannah’s Song, obviously well-known to Mary; one that was poured out from Hannah’s heart some 1100 years before, at the birth of her son, Samuel; a son long prayed-for and long-awaited as Hannah had been barren.  And Mary returns to Nazareth, to be told they will soon be heading back to Judah.

The Second Journey
In reality, we don’t know how far along Mary was in her pregnancy when they had to leave for Bethlehem.  The Roman emporer, Augustus, wanted more revenue and cooked up a mad scheme to make everyone return to their home town for a census, and of course, to then be taxed.  But God had a much bigger plan and when He has a plan, He misses nothing.  You see, Bethlehem was prophesied by Malachi to be the town where the Saviour was to be born.  How to make sure Mary and Joseph and the baby-in-the-womb Jesus would be there on time for the long-awaited Messiah’s birth?  Somehow, we have gotten into our heads that they arrived in Bethlehem, camped out in the stable and Jesus is born that night.  All we do know is that Mary was at least three months’ pregnant and it had been a long journey.

They made it to Bethlehem, the “City of David,” but there was no room at the inn,  “And it came about that while they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth” (Luke 2:6).  The first visitors were those shepherds, of whom I wrote in my December 13, 2017 post.  But what about those wise men?  They did not show up until two years later.  The star, shining in the east, led them to the house where the child was, with His mother, (Matthew 2:11), and they delivered their gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.  Having been warned by God in a dream to not return and report to Herod where they found this born King, they went home another way, and Herod was so incensed that he had his soldiers slaughter all the male children two years old and younger, who were in Bethlehem.  But in the meantime, Joseph, Mary and Jesus went on another journey.

The Third Journey
Along with the opulent gifts they had received from the wise men, the little family fled to Egypt, where they stayed until news came that Herod was dead.  I wonder if Mary and Joseph thought about how their ancestors had lived in Egypt 2000 years earlier?  Did they think about Moses and how he led the Israelites back toward The Promised Land?  Would they, too, be able to go home?  But God had a much bigger plan and when He has a plan, He misses nothing.   You see, it had been prophesied by Hosea: “Out of Egypt have I called my son” (Hosea 11:1); their journey home had already been foretold.

The Fourth Journey
Scholars generally agree that they stayed in Egypt for up to six months and made a cautious return, first to Judea and then ultimately back to their home town of Nazareth.  A Mom, a step-Dad and a two-year-old boy journeyed from Egypt to Nazareth, well over 200 kilometres.  I wonder if they sang?  Did they have enough money left over from the wise men’s gifts, to buy provisions?  On at least two occasions, we are told that Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in heart.  So many journeys but she would no doubt say that they were all worth it. 

The greatest and most difficult one had yet to happen: Jesus being led up Calvary’s mountain, to die on a cross.  Was Mary’s heart prepared even for this?  I’m sure of it, as she herself had prophesied in her song: “...My soul exalts the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Saviour” (Luke 1:46,47).  She knew from the beginning that the baby she was carrying would be her Saviour and while she may not have known the plan, God did, and when He has a plan, He misses nothing.   

Will you trust the One who has taken the most arduous of journeys, for us?  His death and resurrection are enough to save us from our sin and bring us true hope and true joy.  And whatever journeys I may take, one thing I know for sure: Jesus will be with me every step of the way.

I will falter.  I will fail.
But Jesus’ mercies towards me
Will always prevail.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Those Shepherds


Housecoats and headbands with a staff in hand; this is our modern-day version of those Christmas shepherds, watching their flocks by night in the fields of Bethlehem.  An angel, in a sky of blazing glory, tells them not to be afraid, as they are receiving the Good News of the birth of the Saviour, Christ the Lord. They would find Him wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.  Their response: “Let us go straight to Bethlehem…” (Luke 2: 8-20).

Looking to history, I think of Moses, (born 1,500 years before Christ), who took care of sheep for 40 years and then lead the nation of Israel out of Egypt.  He said: “The Lord your God will raise up for you a prophet like me” (Deuteronomy 18:15), namely Jesus. I consider King David, a shepherd from Bethlehem, born approximately 1,000 years before Christ.  He wrote: “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want” (Psalm 23:1); the Lord to whom he refers is none other than Jesus.

Fast-forward to the stable.  The Good Shepherd, (John 10:11), the Chief Shepherd, (1 Peter 5:4), was lying in a manger- the Lamb of God, (John 1:29).  Sleeping in the feeding trough of lambs and sheep, cows and donkeys.  It is no mistake that lowly shepherds were the first visitors at the stable; they would later rejoice in the one who is known as that Great Shepherd, (Hebrews 13:20).  

As my pastor recently stated: “Humility changes the world,” and those shepherds at the birth of Christ had front row seats to the greatest event in history.  As Christmas approaches, amidst the hurry and scurry, the hustle and bustle, we would do well to let our pride have a great fall and embrace the One who said: “I am meek and lowly in heart and you shall find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:29).

This Christmas, my Mom won’t wake up to the sounds of family in the kitchen, Angel Kitty purring under the tree, and the smell of turkey cooking in the oven.  She will be home for Christmas Day, and for that I am grateful.  She will be embraced by the Shepherd who became the sacrificial Lamb; the one who died on a cross and rose again, to save us from our sins and give us hope for every day.  For those celebrating Christmas in The Home, will you visit them and remind them of the Lamb; the One who is their Shepherd?  

From Mom and I:
Merry Christmas ~ Joyeux Noël
(Photo credit to Michael Carty)

Saturday, December 2, 2017

The Waiting Manger


Christmas decorating is on full-tilt at The Home.  Trees and lights, snowmen and Santas, garland and tinsel, wreaths and holly.  And then there is the Nativity scene, without the Baby Jesus; the empty manger is waiting for Christmas eve.  It made me wonder – how many residents will wait for visitors this Christmas; visitors who do not come?  I don’t see Mom every day, and she is often watching for me.  I can only imagine her angst at Christmas, if no one came.

Sometimes, a different visitor can make a big difference.  Before one of the visiting baby rabbits ended up on Mom’s lap, I could tell by her flushed cheeks, hurried speech and tremulous voice that she was anxious.  Staff told me that she had been exit-seeking; wanting to go home.  They did not say: “You are home, so calm down!”  Instead, they took her for a walk, and she met the wee bunny. 

“Is it for sale?  Can we buy him and take him home?”  The negative response disappointed Mom, but she was so much calmer, and ended up helping with the decorating.  By helping, I mean she spent most of the afternoon with a ‘Country Santa.’  She was, after all, fixing his clothing.  Anxiety was gone and going home was forgotten.  She was not pleased when the decoration was placed amidst the Christmas décor.  “I thought I might keep him.”

So there I was, caught in that place of sorrow over her anxiety and her obsession, for hours, on one decoration.  Then it dawned on me that, for Mom, the Country Santa was a present, and she was in the present, in the moment, and that is what mattered.  I remembered the waiting manger.  2,000 years ago, The Promised Visitor had come; the one for whom the whole world had been waiting- Immanuel- God with us.  I remembered that Mom is not defined by dementia; she is defined by God as “the apple of my eye” (Zechariah 2:8).  I remembered that Jesus still waits for people to come to Him, by faith.  Yes, come to the lowly manger in a stable all forlorn and meet the King of Kings.  He is waiting for you.


I walked away rejoicing, and yet saddened by the thought that while a furry friend was a helpful visitor for Mom, and the long-awaited Messiah had visited us here on earth, there may be residents who might have someone else’s pet as their only Christmas visitor.  I would encourage you, friends- be a visitor; be a volunteer and bring your pets.  Don’t keep someone waiting.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Christmas Seniors


We packed an “Operation Christmas Child” shoe-box today.  https://www.samaritanspurse.ca/what-we-do/operation-christmas-child/ 

I explained to Mom that it was for an unknown child, who lives halfway around the world.

Mom: “How will she get it?”

Me: “It will go on an airplane, and then travel by boat or donkey or elephant or bicycle or even on the back of a camel.”

Mom: “Such work to get a box into the hands of a little girl!”

She was moved to tears. I was deeply touched by her grasp of it all, but I should not have been. Like a lot of us, I was looking at The Home as a place of people with limitations, rather than focusing on what they can do.  It’s a form of robbery, really. We are stealing their last years, and depleting our best years, by not spending time with them.  If Mom can make a difference in the life of a little girl who lives so far away, so can you.  And all you have to do is enter The Home where seniors live. 

The Christmas Story, in Luke 2:21-38, introduces us to four memorable seniors.  Elizabeth and Zacharias were well-advanced in age; she was barren and then they had a son, John the Baptist, who was a cousin to Jesus.  Simeon was long awaiting the promised Messiah, and was told he would not see death until he had seen Jesus, at which time he spoke to Mary and Joseph about salvation and sorrow.  Anna was an 84-year-old widow who, upon seeing the baby Jesus, went out proclaiming redemption to everyone she met.  

They were godly old people, serving as the bridge between the end of the Old Testament, (Old Covenant) and the advent of the New- the Promised Messiah had come!  None of them resented the fact that the old era was passing away.  On the contrary, they were excited and moved by the tremendous joy of being proclaimers of Jesus’ arrival.  Seniors, loved by God and serving Him into old age.  They weren’t dismissed as too old, or too senile.

“Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another;
for he who loves his neighbour has fulfilled the law” (Romans 13:8).

Saturday, November 4, 2017

G.R.A.C.E.




God keep our land,
Redeemed by the soldier’s hand.
Affording us a hard-won peace
Courage in battle, never at ease,
Ever-remembered, let them be released.

                Released from the burden of carrying the torch
                Released from wretched memories-mind scorched.
                Flying the banner of a people set free
                Flying the banner for you and for me.
                God keep our land.

Giving up home, hearth and heart
Ready to fight, from the start
Awaiting the call to protect and keep
Comrades-at-arms, loyalty runs deep
Ever-remembered, let them be released.

                 Released from the burden of carrying the torch
                 Released from wretched memories-mind scorched.
                 Flying the banner of a people set free
                 Flying the banner for you and for me.
                 God keep our land.

Gaining freedom at such great cost
Running the gauntlet, so many lives lost.
Awakening hope, liberty gained
Calling for armistice; mercy reigns.
Ever-remembered, let them be released.

                Released from the burden of carrying the torch
                Released from wretched memories-mind scorched.
                Flying the banner of a people set free
                Flying the banner for you and for me.

                God keep our land.

G.R.A.C.E.

God's 
Riches 
A
Christ's 
Expense

An even greater, eternal freedom has been bought with the greatest of sacrifice.

"For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received, that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures." (1 Corinthians 15:3)

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Lighten Up!


Some time ago, before Mom moved to The Home, we ended up at the hospital.  I was sure she had what is known as a UTI, a Urinary Tract Infection, which can lead to serious health issues for a senior so off we went to get a urine test.  Silly me, I asked Mom if she needed to go to the bathroom, before we left the house.

Oh my.  If walls could talk. There we were, sequestered in the sterile, hospital bathroom.  Mom on the toilet; me, urging her on, and holding that ridiculously small bottle, trying to catch her pee; don’t worry, I was wearing latex gloves.  She keeps insisting that I talk to the nurse.  So, good daughter that I am, I go and ask for a glass of cold water, haltingly explaining that I hoped, by dipping mom’s finger in the water, it might give her an urge to pee.  I explained to said nurse that Mom figured they should have a magic technique.  “Fraid not,” was the bland reply.

Back in the bathroom, Mom is looking forlorn.  Putting her fingers in the cold glass of water, she starts to giggle and then both of us were out-of-control laughing.  You know, it did the trick; I should say, the trickle.

Mom: “I did it!”
Me: “Not enough.”
Mom: “That’s all I got.”

Sheepishly, I went back to the nursing station and slipped the vial onto the counter, grateful that no one was in sight.

Mom: “Was it enough?”
Me: “I hope so, because you’re all dried up.”

More laughter, to the point of tears. She did have an infection and we got antibiotics.  I had been praying that Mom would have enough pee to make it count; I hadn’t counted on God’s sense of humour.   It was a good reminder from the Lord. ‘Take it easy on yourself, okay?  I got this!’

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and He helps me. 
My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise Him.” (Psalm 28:7)

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Saying Goodbye


It was a difficult moment.  Spending Thanksgiving with Mom, we had gone to church and then out for dinner, enjoying a breezy, warm October afternoon.  Sitting on the edge of her bed, at The Home, I said: “Mom, I’m heading out now, so I will see you tomorrow.”  Mom: “You mean, you’re leaving me here?”  Me: “Yes.  But I will see you in the morning, okay?”  Mom: “Okay”, (with a sad little sigh).  Ah, my heart was aching as I walked away. 

Saying goodbye is never easy.  I have to learn to manage it better, as I don’t want to leave Mom in distress.  Some time ago, I gave a different response to her query: “You’re staying here for now.”  Mom: “Well, for how long?”  Me: “I actually don’t know, Mom.  We’ll figure that part out as we go.”  Mom: “Well then, I’m okay here for now.”  That was an easier parting and I will probably speak that way for our next good-byes.  

Because I do not know what will happen next, I can speak thus with confidence.  I am sure of one thing - God has a purpose in even these bittersweet moments. Here’s the thing.  When someone is in that “in-between” stage of knowing and yet not knowing, it is just plain difficult.  By the same token, I can’t afford to try and keep living in the past; hoping she will remember and yet agonizing when she does.  There is a way forward, by the grace of God:
“Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33).   

There is one more thing. You can indicate to staff that your loved one may need some distraction, in order for you to leave.  That’s okay. They understand.  And, believe me, we need their love and support.

Sunday, October 8, 2017

Today is the Day

  Mathilde(family friend),Lise(daughter) Gibson(great-grandson), Heather(daughter-in-law),Pierre(son) 
Mom, Ryland(great-grandson), me-Francine


My Mom tends to have an afternoon nap these days. At 94, she’s allowed!  For some of us, a catnap is just about like heaven itself.  She, however, would prefer a short, sweet visit over a snooze, even though she will quickly forget I was there.  Of course, there are many residents in The Home who would enjoy long visits.  Watching a movie, working on a puzzle, sharing a meal, reading a book out loud, writing out Christmas cards; these are great ways to spend time in one another’s company.  It is a wonderful gift if you can go on a regular, weekly basis- same day, same time, same place. 

Seriously, there is no time like the present to visit someone in The Home.  As to the question of ‘when:’ Are you the principle caregiver?  Ask staff.  A friend?  Ask family.  A volunteer?  Ask recreation staff.  Someone, somewhere, will direct you.  One lady I know has a note by her bed: “If you are a visitor, PLEASE wake me up!” 

I can’t help but think that the everlasting God, (Psalm 90:2), the Author of time, is saying: ‘Wake up!’ “Today is the day of salvation,” says 2 Corinthians 6:2.  Jesus stepped in at just the right time, (Galatians 4:4) to give us enough time to be prepared for eternity.  He said: “I am the way, the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father, except through me” (John 14:6).  Today, we have enough time to turn from sin, whereby we can love God, and enjoy Him forever.  Today, we have time to love people - made in His image, created for eternity.

Is it true that the older you get, the faster time slips away?  If so, we’ve only got a few short years with our loved ones in The Home, and soon enough, eternity will arrive and time will be no more.


Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Practice Makes Perfect



I am anxious for nothing

You could take that sentence in two different ways:
·         I am anxious for no good reason
·         I am never anxious about anything

Both are correct, if I am allowing my soul to be kept by the power of God and not kept by my own puny efforts to be in control.  As our pastor preached about casting our cares upon Him, (Jesus), for He cares for us, (1 Peter 5:7), I was picturing the casting of a fisherman’s net; the kind of casting that creates a figure eight as it gets flung into the deep.  It’s a remarkable sight to see, and while I tried it, I confess that I did not get very far.  My problem:  It seemed so simple, I was sure I could master the technique in a short time.  There is nothing like being proven wrong, to bring us to a place of humility.  

Back to the message: Our pastor was pointing out that it is actually pride that sits as the foundation of anxiety.  I felt vindicated, as I have long believed this was so.  But I was also convicted.  As a Christian, I have never thought: “I don’t need you, God.  I would prefer to anxiously carry this burden for a few hours, days, months, years rather than give you complete control.”  But I have most certainly behaved in such a way. 

I need to practice the art of casting.

Saturday, September 23, 2017

A Gift



I got a phone call the other day.  It was a sunny Sunday afternoon and I had a head cold, so I could not pick up Mom and had called The Home, asking them to let her know.  Missing church is one of my least favourite things; missing church with my Mom, even more-so. As the letter to the Hebrews states: “And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of His(Jesus) return is drawing near” (Hebrews 10:25).  Hands down, Christian fellowship is absolutely vital.  I need others to encourage, teach and love me!  Our church motto: ‘Love God. Love others. Serve both.’

That phone call was from The Home: “Your Mom…”  I waited for a split second, dreading the next word.  Instead: “Your Mom wants to speak with you.”  What a relief!  Mom: “And how are you feeling?”  Me: “I have a nasty cold.” Mom: “I could come over for a while and give you a hand, since you are sick.” That was the most bittersweet of phone calls!  Tears came.  Even though I am approaching sixty, my Mom will always be my Mom.


Being on the phone is not easy for her, as she needs more visual cueing because of dementia and had needed a little foam ring on our home phone so her hearing aid would not squeal when she listened.  We opted not to have a private phone, at The Home.  Not to be deterred, she asked staff to assist her, to offer her help…saying the same thing 5 times in 5 minutes. I was okay with that.  Some things bear repeating.  Even though we missed meeting with church family, I was grateful for the gift of Alexander Graham Bell and I knew my church family was praying for me and for my Mom.

Thursday, August 31, 2017

A Merry Heart



God knows, we all have a trust problem.  That’s why Proverbs 3:5,6 encourages us: “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  Acknowledge the Lord in all of your ways and He will make your paths straight.” 

Visiting with Mom the other day, I saw she was comfortably dressed and pretty as a picture with her earrings, and a lovely necklace.  When she heard who was coming home for a visit, she said: “Hooray! The gang will all be here and we’ll go out dancing and play Crokinole!”  Her carefree spirit is a commendation to her character but also a recognition that staff in The Home are taking care of her.

You know, it is a team effort to continually love, embrace, and qualitatively enhance someone else’s life. Whether it be a gentle sweeping-back of the hair from someone’s face, an affectionate kiss on the cheek, steering someone to the washroom, tucking someone into bed, cleaning up a mess, assisting at meal times, or setting a ball-cap aright, these actions go a long way. I have seen staff do all of these and oh, so much more. 

For sure, we need to address problems in The Home; being an advocate is essential to someone’s well-being.  Sadly, though, we default to the old saying: “While good news is putting her boots on, bad news is already down the road.”  Why not focus on a different proverb: “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22)


This week, will you encourage a staff member in The Home?  By all means, do not let concerns go unnoticed.  However, kindness and courtesy will go a long way in resolving situations, and you, the one you are visiting, and the staff will all benefit from trusting the Lord. 

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Threads of Gold ~ Part 7


Mom~ with son, Pierre, at his wedding ~ March 2017



There is nothing quite like a familiar, comforting voice, and those living with an advanced form of dementia should not be relegated to a life sentence of silence because we think they cannot understand us; or we cannot understand them. Communication is a gift from God; we can’t afford to limit what He can do with our interactions.

Why, even His creation speaks:

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge. They have no speech, they use no words; no sound is heard from them. Yet their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.” (Psalm 19:1-4) The Creator’s familiar voice surrounds us every day, and this gift of speech is worth sharing.

Visiting in The Home?
  • Talk! Hearing loss does not increase with dementia
  • Make eye contact; sit facing the person, rather than to the side; use body language
  • Let them see your face-vision becomes more like tunnel vision, as dementia increases
  • Ask questions that take yes or no answers
  • Use one of their coherent words as a basis for conversation
I’ve been inclined to blame Dad’s side of the family for my ‘gift of gab,’ but Mom says it’s those ever-talking Comeaus! With a hearing problem for most of her life, I have been inspired by Mom to speak up. As a 4-H leader, she insisted that all Club members do a public speech or demonstration. Standing at the back of the gymnasium, she would characteristically state: “Speak up!” We were not too happy with those drills. Today, her eight children are grateful for her wisdom. Conversation is a gift that keeps giving; I hope you give today.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Catch a Smile

Threads of Gold ~ Part 6



The other night, tears came unbidden.  All those evenings of tucking Mom in were now past. Placing her flannel nightgown into the dryer for a few minutes, she would put it on and say: “Thank you, I feel so cozy!”

I sat there, sobbing- Mom is at The Home and here I am, in our home.  I thought of Jesus, who knew the pain of separation from His Father.  I thought of the ultimate sorrow of His death, covering my sin and bringing the greatest of comfort in forgiveness, and a nearness of His presence.  “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3). He is walking with us.  

As we look through her scrapbooks together, Mom will have a catch in her throat when we come across a picture of her Mom.  “That’s maman.  She died when I was 16.”   While some may disagree, I will not rob her of this deep and tender sorrow; neither will I leave her there, as we continue to turn the pages.  

We happen upon a tuna fishing expedition, and she is immediately animated.  “I was SO tired,” she exclaims.  “Everyone else on the boat was throwing up, except me and my friend.  I had to keep reeling this one in.”  In her early twenties, Mom was the first person from her village of Concession to have caught a tuna, weighing 245 lbs.

Go ahead- bring pictures on your visit to The Home, and name the people in the photos.  Bring an electronic device. Type in: “Laughing babies youtube,” in your search engine; trust me, you will not be sorry and you will surely catch a smile on your loved ones' face.  Use Skype, Facetime, Facebook- a picture really is worth a thousand words.


Mom’s scrapbook is a gem, and while this new chapter will one day close, I want us to enjoy her story for as long as possible.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Threads of Gold ~ Part 5

Don't Waste Your Time


Have you ever gone to visit someone at The Home, and staff would not answer your questions, not even basic ones like: “Did they sleep well last night?”  “Has their family been in to visit?”  Unless you are the designated person(s) responsible for their care, your questions will go unanswered.   Confidentiality demonstrates respect for a resident and eliminates gossip.  Yes, I said it…gossip.  “For lack of wood a fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarrelling ceases.” (Proverbs 26:20) As Mom would say: “I don’t have time for nonsense.”  The opposite of gossip is expressed earlier in Proverbs 25:11, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.”  If you are visiting someone and you overhear staff speaking about another resident’s condition, please don’t share that information with anyone; protect their right to privacy.

So bring your smile, and ask other questions: “Did you see that rain?”  “Can we go for a wheelchair ride?”  Realizing that everyone is at different cognitive levels, we can bring in an old pair of skates, a pretty apron with buttons and pockets, or that lovely teapot with its matching cup and saucer and a piece of apple pie. (Be mindful of dietary restrictions; ask a CCA- Continuing Care Assistant- for advice).  Or, we could dress up in our favourite outfits and have a ton of fun!

If you can believe it, from time to time, my Mom would bring in bras, when visiting her sister in The Home.  They would yak, yak, yak, and many a bra was fixed during those lively conversations.  Of course, you don’t need to bring bras.  Instead, use the valuable moments you have; don’t waste your time on looking for information that is not yours to have.   Next time, we’ll talk about photos, computers and IPads.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Threads of Gold~ Part 4

Threads of Gold
~ Francine Chiasson ~

“Forget-me-nots”

After a year of waiting, my mom has moved into a home for special care - The Home.  It’s quite surreal, not having breakfast together; an inversion of the empty nest syndrome.  Stopping in to see her the next day, we brought family photos.  “I’ve never seen that picture before,” she exclaimed, as we put up a familiar wedding photo of her and dad.  “And who owns all those lovely clothes?”  My heart was both warmed and saddened, delighting in her new discovery of the old, but chagrined at the loss of memory. 

I was reminded that, like me and like you, my mom is precious in the sight of God, no matter what age, health condition, or circumstance.  In Matthew 10:29-31, Jesus said: “Are not two sparrows sold for a cent?  And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.  But the very hairs on your head are all numbered, therefore do not fear; you are of more value than many sparrows.”  Our inherent value, being made in the image of God, means everyone deserves a visit.  But how to go about doing so?

What not to ask:
(1)   “How are you?”  Some people will feel trapped, others will not comprehend, and still others will be fine with this.  I’d start with: “Hi.  I am so glad to see you.” 
(2)   “You remember me, don’t you?”  Some will remember, others will be confused.   Rather, you could say: “Good morning, (say their name).  It’s Francine.”   

These seem like simple suggestions, but I like the K.I.S.S. method: “Keep It Simple, S’il vous Plaît.”  I showed mom the dandelions growing in the courtyard, knowing that she considers them as public enemy number one.  Her simple solution: “Off with their heads!”  Is she ever going to have a field day!  Until next time…


Saturday, July 1, 2017

Threads of Gold- Part 3

Threads of Gold- Part 3
~ Francine Chiasson ~



Some time ago, Mom stayed at The Home, in the vacation bed.  I told her: “You are having a vacation from me!”  She laughed at that and was so engaged with her fellow residents that she seemed like a staff member; chatting with this one, fixing that one’s hair, holding someone’s hand.  Her naiveté was so enchanting, like she was with family.

I, however, was crushed.  A million questions came to mind; questions like: Did I do the right thing?  Will she be lonesome?  What about her appetite?  How will she find her room?  When will she go to bed?  Feelings of sadness and relief overwhelmed me as we wove this new thread into our lives; sadness about leaving her and relief about her care and my need for rest.  Turns out, she had a good stay; I visited often, she ate well, but there were times when she felt lonely and got confused. 

I relied on the words of Jesus: “Come unto me all you that labour and are heavy-burdened and I will give you rest,” (Matthew 11:28). His rest comes from having died on the cross, rising again to defeat death and bringing hope to a difficult world; a hope that delivers from sin and gives comfort, courage and joy. 

On one of my visits, there was live music and since my mom loves to dance, she had me up on the floor.  All at once she said: “Ask that man to dance.”  “But, mom…” Her admonishment: “I’ll find a new partner and we’ll liven up the place!”  Mom has been able to weave her life into the lives of those at The Home; I hope you can do the same.  Next time, we’ll talk about the nitty gritty of how to visit.