Saying Goodbye

It was a difficult moment.  Spending Thanksgiving with Mom, we had gone to church and then out for dinner, enjoying a breezy, warm October afternoon.  Sitting on the edge of her bed, at The Home, I said: “Mom, I’m heading out now, so I will see you tomorrow.”  Mom: “You mean, you’re leaving me here?”  Me: “Yes.  But I will see you in the morning, okay?”  Mom: “Okay”, (with a sad little sigh).  Ah, my heart was aching as I walked away. 

Saying goodbye is never easy.  I have to learn to manage it better, as I don’t want to leave Mom in distress.  Some time ago, I gave a different response to her query: “You’re staying here for now.”  Mom: “Well, for how long?”  Me: “I actually don’t know, Mom.  We’ll figure that part out as we go.”  Mom: “Well then, I’m okay here for now.”  That was an easier parting and I will probably speak that way for our next good-byes.  

Because I do not know what will happen next, I can speak thus with confidence.  I am sure of one thing - God has a purpose in even these bittersweet moments. Here’s the thing.  When someone is in that “in-between” stage of knowing and yet not knowing, it is just plain difficult.  By the same token, I can’t afford to try and keep living in the past; hoping she will remember and yet agonizing when she does.  There is a way forward, by the grace of God:

“Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33).   

There is one more thing. You can indicate to staff that your loved one may need some distraction, in order for you to leave.  That’s okay. They understand.  And, believe me, we need their love and support.