Practice Makes Perfect

I am anxious for nothing

You could take that sentence in two different ways:

·         I am anxious for no good reason

·         I am never anxious about anything

Both are correct, if I am allowing my soul to be kept by the power of God and not kept by my own puny efforts to be in control.  As our pastor preached about casting our cares upon Him, (Jesus), for He cares for us, (1 Peter 5:7), I was picturing the casting of a fisherman’s net; the kind of casting that creates a figure eight as it gets flung into the deep.  It’s a remarkable sight to see, and while I tried it, I confess that I did not get very far.  My problem:  It seemed so simple, I was sure I could master the technique in a short time.  There is nothing like being proven wrong, to bring us to a place of humility.  

Back to the message: Our pastor was pointing out that it is actually pride that sits as the foundation of anxiety.  I felt vindicated, as I have long believed this was so.  But I was also convicted.  As a Christian, I have never thought: “I don’t need you, God.  I would prefer to anxiously carry this burden for a few hours, days, months, years rather than give you complete control.”  But I have most certainly behaved in such a way. 

I need to practice the art of casting.

A Gift

I got a phone call the other day.  It was a sunny Sunday afternoon and I had a head cold, so I could not pick up Mom and had called The Home, asking them to let her know.  Missing church is one of my least favourite things; missing church with my Mom, even more-so. As the letter to the Hebrews states: “And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of His(Jesus) return is drawing near” (Hebrews 10:25).  Hands down, Christian fellowship is absolutely vital.  I need others to encourage, teach and love me!  Our church motto: ‘Love God. Love others. Serve both.’

That phone call was from The Home: “Your Mom…”  I waited for a split second, dreading the next word.  Instead: “Your Mom wants to speak with you.”  What a relief!  Mom: “And how are you feeling?”  Me: “I have a nasty cold.” Mom: “I could come over for a while and give you a hand, since you are sick.” That was the most bittersweet of phone calls!  Tears came.  Even though I am approaching sixty, my Mom will always be my Mom.

Being on the phone is not easy for her, as she needs more visual cueing because of dementia and had needed a little foam ring on our home phone so her hearing aid would not squeal when she listened.  We opted not to have a private phone, at The Home.  Not to be deterred, she asked staff to assist her, to offer her help…saying the same thing 5 times in 5 minutes. I was okay with that.  Some things bear repeating.  Even though we missed meeting with church family, I was grateful for the gift of Alexander Graham Bell and I knew my church family was praying for me and for my Mom.

A Merry Heart

God knows, we all have a trust problem.  That’s why Proverbs 3:5,6 encourages us: “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  Acknowledge the Lord in all of your ways and He will make your paths straight.” 

Visiting with Mom the other day, I saw she was comfortably dressed and pretty as a picture with her earrings, and a lovely necklace.  When she heard who was coming home for a visit, she said: “Hooray! The gang will all be here and we’ll go out dancing and play Crokinole!”  Her carefree spirit is a commendation to her character but also a recognition that staff in The Home are taking care of her.

You know, it is a team effort to continually love, embrace, and qualitatively enhance someone else’s life. Whether it be a gentle sweeping-back of the hair from someone’s face, an affectionate kiss on the cheek, steering someone to the washroom, tucking someone into bed, cleaning up a mess, assisting at meal times, or setting a ball-cap aright, these actions go a long way. I have seen staff do all of these and oh, so much more. 

For sure, we need to address problems in The Home; being an advocate is essential to someone’s well-being.  Sadly, though, we default to the old saying: “While good news is putting her boots on, bad news is already down the road.”  Why not focus on a different proverb: “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22)

This week, will you encourage a staff member in The Home?  By all means, do not let concerns go unnoticed.  However, kindness and courtesy will go a long way in resolving situations, and you, the one you are visiting, and the staff will all benefit from trusting the Lord. 

Threads of Gold ~ Part 7

Mom~ with son, Pierre, at his wedding ~ March 2017

There is nothing quite like a familiar, comforting voice, and those living with an advanced form of dementia should not be relegated to a life sentence of silence because we think they cannot understand us; or we cannot understand them. Communication is a gift from God; we can’t afford to limit what He can do with our interactions.

Why, even His creation speaks:

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge. They have no speech, they use no words; no sound is heard from them. Yet their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.” (Psalm 19:1-4) The Creator’s familiar voice surrounds us every day, and this gift of speech is worth sharing.

Visiting in The Home?

• Talk! Hearing loss does not increase with dementia
• Make eye contact; sit facing the person, rather than to the side; use body language
• Let them see your face-vision becomes more like tunnel vision, as dementia increases
• Ask questions that take yes or no answers
• Use one of their coherent words as a basis for conversation

I’ve been inclined to blame Dad’s side of the family for my ‘gift of gab,’ but Mom says it’s those ever-talking Comeaus! With a hearing problem for most of her life, I have been inspired by Mom to speak up. As a 4-H leader, she insisted that all Club members do a public speech or demonstration. Standing at the back of the gymnasium, she would characteristically state: “Speak up!” We were not too happy with those drills. Today, her eight children are grateful for her wisdom. Conversation is a gift that keeps giving; I hope you give today.

Catch a Smile

Threads of Gold ~ Part 6

The other night, tears came unbidden.  All those evenings of tucking Mom in were now past. Placing her flannel nightgown into the dryer for a few minutes, she would put it on and say: “Thank you, I feel so cozy!”

I sat there, sobbing- Mom is at The Home and here I am, in our home.  I thought of Jesus, who knew the pain of separation from His Father.  I thought of the ultimate sorrow of His death, covering my sin and bringing the greatest of comfort in forgiveness, and a nearness of His presence.  “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3). He is walking with us.  

As we look through her scrapbooks together, Mom will have a catch in her throat when we come across a picture of her Mom.  “That’s maman.  She died when I was 16.”   While some may disagree, I will not rob her of this deep and tender sorrow; neither will I leave her there, as we continue to turn the pages.  

We happen upon a tuna fishing expedition, and she is immediately animated.  “I was SO tired,” she exclaims.  “Everyone else on the boat was throwing up, except me and my friend.  I had to keep reeling this one in.”  In her early twenties, Mom was the first person from her village of Concession to have caught a tuna, weighing 245 lbs.

Go ahead- bring pictures on your visit to The Home, and name the people in the photos.  Bring an electronic device. Type in: “Laughing babies youtube,” in your search engine; trust me, you will not be sorry and you will surely catch a smile on your loved ones' face.  Use Skype, Facetime, Facebook- a picture really is worth a thousand words.

Mom’s scrapbook is a gem, and while this new chapter will one day close, I want us to enjoy her story for as long as possible.

Threads of Gold ~ Part 5

Don't Waste Your Time

Have you ever gone to visit someone at The Home, and staff would not answer your questions, not even basic ones like: “Did they sleep well last night?”  “Has their family been in to visit?”  Unless you are the designated person(s) responsible for their care, your questions will go unanswered.   Confidentiality demonstrates respect for a resident and eliminates gossip.  Yes, I said it…gossip.  “For lack of wood a fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarrelling ceases.” (Proverbs 26:20) As Mom would say: “I don’t have time for nonsense.”  The opposite of gossip is expressed earlier in Proverbs 25:11, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.”  If you are visiting someone and you overhear staff speaking about another resident’s condition, please don’t share that information with anyone; protect their right to privacy.

So bring your smile, and ask other questions: “Did you see that rain?”  “Can we go for a wheelchair ride?”  Realizing that everyone is at different cognitive levels, we can bring in an old pair of skates, a pretty apron with buttons and pockets, or that lovely teapot with its matching cup and saucer and a piece of apple pie. (Be mindful of dietary restrictions; ask a CCA- Continuing Care Assistant- for advice).  Or, we could dress up in our favourite outfits and have a ton of fun!

If you can believe it, from time to time, my Mom would bring in bras, when visiting her sister in The Home.  They would yak, yak, yak, and many a bra was fixed during those lively conversations.  Of course, you don’t need to bring bras.  Instead, use the valuable moments you have; don’t waste your time on looking for information that is not yours to have.   Next time, we’ll talk about photos, computers and IPads.

Threads of Gold~ Part 4

Threads of Gold

~ Francine Chiasson ~

“Forget-me-nots”

After a year of waiting, my mom has moved into a home for special care - The Home.  It’s quite surreal, not having breakfast together; an inversion of the empty nest syndrome.  Stopping in to see her the next day, we brought family photos.  “I’ve never seen that picture before,” she exclaimed, as we put up a familiar wedding photo of her and dad.  “And who owns all those lovely clothes?”  My heart was both warmed and saddened, delighting in her new discovery of the old, but chagrined at the loss of memory. 

I was reminded that, like me and like you, my mom is precious in the sight of God, no matter what age, health condition, or circumstance.  In Matthew 10:29-31, Jesus said: “Are not two sparrows sold for a cent?  And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.  But the very hairs on your head are all numbered, therefore do not fear; you are of more value than many sparrows.”  Our inherent value, being made in the image of God, means everyone deserves a visit.  But how to go about doing so?

What not to ask:

(1)   “How are you?”  Some people will feel trapped, others will not comprehend, and still others will be fine with this.  I’d start with: “Hi.  I am so glad to see you.” 

(2)   “You remember me, don’t you?”  Some will remember, others will be confused.   Rather, you could say: “Good morning, (say their name).  It’s Francine.”   

These seem like simple suggestions, but I like the K.I.S.S. method: “Keep It Simple, S’il vous Plaît.”  I showed mom the dandelions growing in the courtyard, knowing that she considers them as public enemy number one.  Her simple solution: “Off with their heads!”  Is she ever going to have a field day!  Until next time…