Saying Goodbye

It was a difficult moment.  Spending Thanksgiving with Mom, we had gone to church and then out for dinner, enjoying a breezy, warm October afternoon.  Sitting on the edge of her bed, at The Home, I said: “Mom, I’m heading out now, so I will see you tomorrow.”  Mom: “You mean, you’re leaving me here?”  Me: “Yes.  But I will see you in the morning, okay?”  Mom: “Okay”, (with a sad little sigh).  Ah, my heart was aching as I walked away. 

Saying goodbye is never easy.  I have to learn to manage it better, as I don’t want to leave Mom in distress.  Some time ago, I gave a different response to her query: “You’re staying here for now.”  Mom: “Well, for how long?”  Me: “I actually don’t know, Mom.  We’ll figure that part out as we go.”  Mom: “Well then, I’m okay here for now.”  That was an easier parting and I will probably speak that way for our next good-byes.  

Because I do not know what will happen next, I can speak thus with confidence.  I am sure of one thing - God has a purpose in even these bittersweet moments. Here’s the thing.  When someone is in that “in-between” stage of knowing and yet not knowing, it is just plain difficult.  By the same token, I can’t afford to try and keep living in the past; hoping she will remember and yet agonizing when she does.  There is a way forward, by the grace of God:

“Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33).   

There is one more thing. You can indicate to staff that your loved one may need some distraction, in order for you to leave.  That’s okay. They understand.  And, believe me, we need their love and support.

Today is the Day

  Mathilde(family friend),Lise(daughter) Gibson(great-grandson), Heather(daughter-in-law),Pierre(son) 

Mom, Ryland(great-grandson), me-Francine

My Mom tends to have an afternoon nap these days. At 94, she’s allowed!  For some of us, a catnap is just about like heaven itself.  She, however, would prefer a short, sweet visit over a snooze, even though she will quickly forget I was there.  Of course, there are many residents in The Home who would enjoy long visits.  Watching a movie, working on a puzzle, sharing a meal, reading a book out loud, writing out Christmas cards; these are great ways to spend time in one another’s company.  It is a wonderful gift if you can go on a regular, weekly basis- same day, same time, same place. 

Seriously, there is no time like the present to visit someone in The Home.  As to the question of ‘when:’ Are you the principle caregiver?  Ask staff.  A friend?  Ask family.  A volunteer?  Ask recreation staff.  Someone, somewhere, will direct you.  One lady I know has a note by her bed: “If you are a visitor, PLEASE wake me up!” 

I can’t help but think that the everlasting God, (Psalm 90:2), the Author of time, is saying: ‘Wake up!’ “Today is the day of salvation,” says 2 Corinthians 6:2.  Jesus stepped in at just the right time, (Galatians 4:4) to give us enough time to be prepared for eternity.  He said: “I am the way, the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father, except through me” (John 14:6).  Today, we have enough time to turn from sin, whereby we can love God, and enjoy Him forever.  Today, we have time to love people - made in His image, created for eternity.

Is it true that the older you get, the faster time slips away?  If so, we’ve only got a few short years with our loved ones in The Home, and soon enough, eternity will arrive and time will be no more.

Practice Makes Perfect

I am anxious for nothing

You could take that sentence in two different ways:

·         I am anxious for no good reason

·         I am never anxious about anything

Both are correct, if I am allowing my soul to be kept by the power of God and not kept by my own puny efforts to be in control.  As our pastor preached about casting our cares upon Him, (Jesus), for He cares for us, (1 Peter 5:7), I was picturing the casting of a fisherman’s net; the kind of casting that creates a figure eight as it gets flung into the deep.  It’s a remarkable sight to see, and while I tried it, I confess that I did not get very far.  My problem:  It seemed so simple, I was sure I could master the technique in a short time.  There is nothing like being proven wrong, to bring us to a place of humility.  

Back to the message: Our pastor was pointing out that it is actually pride that sits as the foundation of anxiety.  I felt vindicated, as I have long believed this was so.  But I was also convicted.  As a Christian, I have never thought: “I don’t need you, God.  I would prefer to anxiously carry this burden for a few hours, days, months, years rather than give you complete control.”  But I have most certainly behaved in such a way. 

I need to practice the art of casting.