Catch a Smile

Threads of Gold ~ Part 6

The other night, tears came unbidden.  All those evenings of tucking Mom in were now past. Placing her flannel nightgown into the dryer for a few minutes, she would put it on and say: “Thank you, I feel so cozy!”

I sat there, sobbing- Mom is at The Home and here I am, in our home.  I thought of Jesus, who knew the pain of separation from His Father.  I thought of the ultimate sorrow of His death, covering my sin and bringing the greatest of comfort in forgiveness, and a nearness of His presence.  “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3). He is walking with us.  

As we look through her scrapbooks together, Mom will have a catch in her throat when we come across a picture of her Mom.  “That’s maman.  She died when I was 16.”   While some may disagree, I will not rob her of this deep and tender sorrow; neither will I leave her there, as we continue to turn the pages.  

We happen upon a tuna fishing expedition, and she is immediately animated.  “I was SO tired,” she exclaims.  “Everyone else on the boat was throwing up, except me and my friend.  I had to keep reeling this one in.”  In her early twenties, Mom was the first person from her village of Concession to have caught a tuna, weighing 245 lbs.

Go ahead- bring pictures on your visit to The Home, and name the people in the photos.  Bring an electronic device. Type in: “Laughing babies youtube,” in your search engine; trust me, you will not be sorry and you will surely catch a smile on your loved ones' face.  Use Skype, Facetime, Facebook- a picture really is worth a thousand words.

Mom’s scrapbook is a gem, and while this new chapter will one day close, I want us to enjoy her story for as long as possible.

Threads of Gold ~ Part 5

Don't Waste Your Time

Have you ever gone to visit someone at The Home, and staff would not answer your questions, not even basic ones like: “Did they sleep well last night?”  “Has their family been in to visit?”  Unless you are the designated person(s) responsible for their care, your questions will go unanswered.   Confidentiality demonstrates respect for a resident and eliminates gossip.  Yes, I said it…gossip.  “For lack of wood a fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarrelling ceases.” (Proverbs 26:20) As Mom would say: “I don’t have time for nonsense.”  The opposite of gossip is expressed earlier in Proverbs 25:11, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.”  If you are visiting someone and you overhear staff speaking about another resident’s condition, please don’t share that information with anyone; protect their right to privacy.

So bring your smile, and ask other questions: “Did you see that rain?”  “Can we go for a wheelchair ride?”  Realizing that everyone is at different cognitive levels, we can bring in an old pair of skates, a pretty apron with buttons and pockets, or that lovely teapot with its matching cup and saucer and a piece of apple pie. (Be mindful of dietary restrictions; ask a CCA- Continuing Care Assistant- for advice).  Or, we could dress up in our favourite outfits and have a ton of fun!

If you can believe it, from time to time, my Mom would bring in bras, when visiting her sister in The Home.  They would yak, yak, yak, and many a bra was fixed during those lively conversations.  Of course, you don’t need to bring bras.  Instead, use the valuable moments you have; don’t waste your time on looking for information that is not yours to have.   Next time, we’ll talk about photos, computers and IPads.

Threads of Gold~ Part 4

Threads of Gold

~ Francine Chiasson ~

“Forget-me-nots”

After a year of waiting, my mom has moved into a home for special care - The Home.  It’s quite surreal, not having breakfast together; an inversion of the empty nest syndrome.  Stopping in to see her the next day, we brought family photos.  “I’ve never seen that picture before,” she exclaimed, as we put up a familiar wedding photo of her and dad.  “And who owns all those lovely clothes?”  My heart was both warmed and saddened, delighting in her new discovery of the old, but chagrined at the loss of memory. 

I was reminded that, like me and like you, my mom is precious in the sight of God, no matter what age, health condition, or circumstance.  In Matthew 10:29-31, Jesus said: “Are not two sparrows sold for a cent?  And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.  But the very hairs on your head are all numbered, therefore do not fear; you are of more value than many sparrows.”  Our inherent value, being made in the image of God, means everyone deserves a visit.  But how to go about doing so?

What not to ask:

(1)   “How are you?”  Some people will feel trapped, others will not comprehend, and still others will be fine with this.  I’d start with: “Hi.  I am so glad to see you.” 

(2)   “You remember me, don’t you?”  Some will remember, others will be confused.   Rather, you could say: “Good morning, (say their name).  It’s Francine.”   

These seem like simple suggestions, but I like the K.I.S.S. method: “Keep It Simple, S’il vous Plaît.”  I showed mom the dandelions growing in the courtyard, knowing that she considers them as public enemy number one.  Her simple solution: “Off with their heads!”  Is she ever going to have a field day!  Until next time…

Threads of Gold- Part 3

Threads of Gold- Part 3

~ Francine Chiasson ~

Some time ago, Mom stayed at The Home, in the vacation bed.  I told her: “You are having a vacation from me!”  She laughed at that and was so engaged with her fellow residents that she seemed like a staff member; chatting with this one, fixing that one’s hair, holding someone’s hand.  Her naiveté was so enchanting, like she was with family.

I, however, was crushed.  A million questions came to mind; questions like: Did I do the right thing?  Will she be lonesome?  What about her appetite?  How will she find her room?  When will she go to bed?  Feelings of sadness and relief overwhelmed me as we wove this new thread into our lives; sadness about leaving her and relief about her care and my need for rest.  Turns out, she had a good stay; I visited often, she ate well, but there were times when she felt lonely and got confused. 

I relied on the words of Jesus: “Come unto me all you that labour and are heavy-burdened and I will give you rest,” (Matthew 11:28). His rest comes from having died on the cross, rising again to defeat death and bringing hope to a difficult world; a hope that delivers from sin and gives comfort, courage and joy. 

On one of my visits, there was live music and since my mom loves to dance, she had me up on the floor.  All at once she said: “Ask that man to dance.”  “But, mom…” Her admonishment: “I’ll find a new partner and we’ll liven up the place!”  Mom has been able to weave her life into the lives of those at The Home; I hope you can do the same.  Next time, we’ll talk about the nitty gritty of how to visit.