A Burden Shared

Maman

I didn’t realize that I had actually been putting on a brave face these past few weeks.  Two friends, on the same day, asked if I was okay, as my face looked tired.  Only then did I actually share about a difficult day; that day a few weeks ago. 

No one really saw it coming.  No one had ever seen my Mom have a major panic attack.  But, as the Lord would have it, I was there; that day, a few weeks ago. 

It’s a strange thing.  Mom was never one to be obsessively worried.  She always had that ‘can-do,’ keep-moving-forward’ kind of attitude.  Putting her and panic attack in the same sentence seems to make no sense.  But that is how dementia has wormed its way into her life. 

Perhaps it is something you have observed or maybe you deal with it yourself.  In Mom’s case, it starts with some burping and then belching and then she swallows a lot of air and saliva keeps building up in her mouth and down her throat and she starts to panic and gets confused and tries to spit but can’t because she feels trapped and gets confused and people around her are panicking and she gets more confused and it is very.   difficult.  to.  slow.  things.  down.

Oh, how she needed to spit!  All that swallowed air and phlegm.  It took us over half an hour; speaking slowly, in measured tones, Kleenex in hand, coaxing her to keep spitting.  Finally, she was free of it, and oh, so very very tired.  But it wasn’t over yet.  I had to convince her to drink a cold, cold glass of water.  We’ve discovered that this helps to slow.  things.  down.  Otherwise, it could start all over again. 

We don’t really know what triggers such an attack.  We do know it is exhausting.  If someone observes Mom starting to burp and belch, they can give her cold water to drink; they can find ways to distract her and keep her busy with tasks.  For the next few days, the staff at The Home monitored her vital signs and she did a lot of sleeping; and I mean, a lot.  Up for breakfast, then sleeping ‘til noon.  Up for lunch, then sleeping ‘til supper and then back to bed.

I am glad I was there; that day, a few weeks ago.  I am sad that Mom has gone through this.  I am torn between a desire to maintain my Mom’s dignity and a need to share what is happening.  To share so that others might find a way out of such a difficult situation and to share so that church family can know how to pray.  I could wish I had spoken sooner.  The burden would have been lighter. 

For someone who encourages other people to share so we can truly know how to pray, I was reluctant to do so, and I paid the price.  It weighed heavier on my heart than I had realized. 

I was reminded of Mary, the mother of Jesus, as I sifted through my thoughts during these past two weeks (See Luke 1:26-38).  The Lord knew she would need someone who could relate to her unique circumstances.  Who to share the news with; who to entrust with her remarkable story of an angel announcing this unplanned, supernatural pregnancy?  Leave it to God to have a plan.  The angel Gabriel told Mary about Elizabeth, her cousin.  She was barren and past her child-bearing years, but she also was with child; an unplanned, supernatural pregnancy, in her old age.  So, Mary spent her first trimester with Elizabeth.  How God provides! 

And Lord provided two sisters-in-Christ, so that my burden would be much lighter. 

Mom is back to her usual, happy self, albeit more tired.  At the age of 95, most of us would slow down too; I know, I know!  But, I am praying for more precious time with her.

 “Bear one another’s burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).