Maman
I didn’t realize that I had actually been putting on a brave
face these past few weeks. Two friends,
on the same day, asked if I was okay, as my face looked tired. Only then did I actually share about a
difficult day; that day a few weeks ago.
No one really saw it coming.
No one had ever seen my Mom have a major panic attack. But, as the Lord would have it, I was there;
that day, a few weeks ago.
It’s a strange thing.
Mom was never one to be obsessively worried. She always had that ‘can-do,’
keep-moving-forward’ kind of attitude. Putting
her and panic attack in the same sentence seems to make no sense. But that is how dementia has wormed its way
into her life.
Perhaps it is something you have observed or maybe you deal
with it yourself. In Mom’s case, it
starts with some burping and then belching and then she swallows a lot of air
and saliva keeps building up in her mouth and down her throat and she starts to
panic and gets confused and tries to spit but can’t because she feels trapped and
gets confused and people around her are panicking and she gets more confused and it is very. difficult.
to. slow. things.
down.
Oh, how she needed to spit!
All that swallowed air and phlegm.
It took us over half an hour; speaking slowly, in measured tones,
Kleenex in hand, coaxing her to keep spitting.
Finally, she was free of it, and oh, so very very tired. But it wasn’t over yet. I had to convince her to drink a cold, cold
glass of water. We’ve discovered that
this helps to slow. things. down.
Otherwise, it could start all over again.
We don’t really know what triggers such an attack. We do know it is exhausting. If someone observes Mom starting to burp and
belch, they can give her cold water to drink; they can find ways to distract
her and keep her busy with tasks. For
the next few days, the staff at The Home monitored her vital signs and she did
a lot of sleeping; and I mean, a lot. Up
for breakfast, then sleeping ‘til noon.
Up for lunch, then sleeping ‘til supper and then back to bed.
I am glad I was there; that day, a few weeks ago. I am sad that Mom has gone through this. I am torn between a desire to maintain my
Mom’s dignity and a need to share what is happening. To share so that others might find a way out
of such a difficult situation and to share so that church family can know how
to pray. I could wish I had spoken
sooner. The burden would have been
lighter.
For someone who encourages other people to share so we can
truly know how to pray, I was reluctant to do so, and I paid the price. It weighed heavier on my heart than I had
realized.
I was reminded of Mary, the mother of Jesus, as I sifted
through my thoughts during these past two weeks (See Luke 1:26-38). The Lord
knew she would need someone who could relate to her unique circumstances. Who to share the news with; who to entrust
with her remarkable story of an angel announcing this unplanned, supernatural
pregnancy? Leave it to God to have a
plan. The angel Gabriel told Mary about
Elizabeth, her cousin. She was barren
and past her child-bearing years, but she also was with child; an unplanned, supernatural pregnancy, in her old age. So, Mary
spent her first trimester with Elizabeth.
How God provides!
And Lord provided two sisters-in-Christ, so that my burden
would be much lighter.
Mom is back to her usual, happy self, albeit more tired. At the age of 95, most of us would slow down
too; I know, I know! But, I am praying
for more precious time with her.
“Bear one another’s burdens, and
thus fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).
