Breath-taking

I've been wasting my breath.

There will be no more explanations from me, about why Mom doesn’t seem to hear so well, or trying to make excuses for a seemingly random behaviour.  I’m done with all of that.  And it is such a relief.  I suppose I have felt a need to protect her, and there is a place for that; for advocacy.  But my Mom should not need protection from her own community. 

You think I would have caught on a long time ago.  As signs of dementia continued to add up, I dug deeper into my arsenal of excuses; explaining to strangers, friends and family, that Mom has dementia and it is affecting everything about her life, and about mine.  Since when has it been the seeming norm to have to explain a loved one’s uncertainty; of their loss of memory; of their confusion over being given several steps in a process, all at once? 

Here’s hoping that people will not look at her askance, but rather that they will simply love her, enjoy her, interact with her, and show kindness and patience.  She is a delightful, funny, capricious, kind, compassionate, kitty-loving, energetic, busy, creative, insightful, thoughtful woman.  She can also be very annoying, with her obsessive attention to little details; so unlike me. But, we manage.

Here’s hoping we will still sing, savour fresh lobster sandwiches at local eateries, shop for groceries, poke around in second-hand stores, go to concerts, read out loud to one another, and dance, dance, dance.  There may come a time when we will no longer be able to do these things.  So be it, but even then, I won’t be wasting my breath.  I’ll save it for the laughter and the tears that are sure to come; by God’s grace.

I love you, Mom.

“Beloved, let us love one another,

For love is from God;

And everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.”

(1 John 4:7)